My ex has a daughter from another marriage.
“Sometimes it’s like hugging a brick wall” she once told her dad about me.
Sentence which obviously tickled his fancy, for he kept reminding me about it for over a somewhat long period of time.
It used to hurt me.
They seemed to either brush off or be unaware of the fact that their “hugging a brick wall” meant my coping mechanisms were up. Brick wall up, armour on, shield in front, guard up…
ALL OF THEM. AT THE SAME TIME, mind you.
Have you ever been there, done that?
All the red flags were there for me and I could not let go of the survival instinct.
Deep within, no matter how many times I was called delusional or Narcissistic by him, we all cared only about ourselves.
Anchored in fear and not in love, she was scared of having a broken family (she already came from one), he was terrified of her thinking he wasn’t siding with her enough and I was abhorred at the fact that I felt rejected and ignored-both teaming against me.
If you don’t mind me saying, this is a pretty common masculine belief, if we are to label things.
His other autistic son cottoned onto the whole dynamic.
“I used to side with you mom” he once openly confessed to me. Bless his soul. “Because I knew no matter what, no one in this household would side with you. My sister would side with dad and he with her.”
Did I say he is autistic?
Let me repeat that again.
He is autistic.
So much for thinking that the so-called “empaths” are more aware and sentient than other non-empath peeps such as those in the Autism and Narcissistic spectrum (which I believe to some degree or another we all fall into).
Let me put this straight, I believe we are all empaths. The label is simply a label that has recently been used as a means of maintaining a state of separation between those who call themselves empaths and self-righteously believe that those with Narcissistic traits are worse human beings than them.
Something like calling uncivilized people from the Amazons, or the Aborigines in Australia. Of course this comes with the belief that us white fellows- with our phones in hand 24/7, Wi-Fi system interfering with our DNA and social media addiction as a means of searching for external approval, praise and recognition, are supposedly the civilized ones.
But that’s another story.
Going back to the original script, we are all human, all hurt. We all carry baggage that can only be unpacked once truly heard, acknowledged, and felt. And that is not a light task to embark upon.
So, get on board, put your walking shoes on and begin to embrace this experience we call Life!
If you are here to deeply feel, deeply acknowledge and get to the truth of the awareness that lies beneath the superficial lead-the superficial story, PM me.
I’d be delighted to help you out with anything relationships, mother-daughter dynamics, step-parenting, mother-son bonding and the much-needed intimacy between married and soon-to-be married couples.
Relationships are a world in itself. As I say,
“Relationships can be either a battlefield or a playground.” Nostraamandamus
The choice is yours.
Much courage in your journey,
A.
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