Lead

I was looking for a man outside of myself.

I was hoping to work in a partnership and hoping to be led.

I don’t like to be a leader, I never have liked it.

I don’t like to be lead either. I mean, I like it but only when I feel it is coming from the right intent.

Unfortunately in my life, I have discovered that even those who I thought loved me, at some stage used me with their own manipulative traits. They wanted to achieve what their ego told them was the best.

Even though some would say they were “a kind, nice, loving man”, I realized after years that I was being manipulated and hence my inability to fully surrender to what was being said.

I thought I was being self-sufficient, but in fact, I was still co-depently seeking for validation and a place to be led.

I was shirking my responsibility. I was being called for more but long ago, in my past life, I decided it was not good for me to surrender to my cause. It was too lonely, I was too scared.

So I gave in to others who felt good when they led.

This is what I have been doing in this lifetime as well. But slowly and gently (in fact, I have been feeling like I’m prodded lately), I am being awakened to the need to stop being led. It is time for me to lead.

So, I am stepping up, I am stopping my behaviour of depending on a man, only to, when the time is right, fully surrender to him when the right one comes along. I know this because it is in my nature- my divine being wants to serve.

Until then, I am being called to action and not to surrender. It is time to wake up, to lead and give advice, instead of listening to others who are used to giving advice as a coping mechanism- as a way of feeling internally better, when in fact, they are scared of surrendering their power to God.

I surrendered mine a long time ago. It is now time to act upon the messages I receive, because I know my powerful intent is not coming from the ego; I am not seeking to feel better, but to serve the higher calling.

If you too have felt the calling to surrender or to lead, I welcome you to follow my journey and see where this leads.

Much love,

A.