Not only do boys not learn how to be a man, because they loose touch with their fathers, but women have no clue about what it is to be a woman either!
Men leave the home or they are kicked out by their spouse. This whole feminist freedom has brought a lot of peace into the family household but also a lot of sorrow.
Whilst before, in the past, women stayed with men out of comfort (even in abuse) or fear of not being able to make it on their own in the outer world (no wonder; only recently women were allowed to go to the bank and ask for a loan without the permission or signature from a man, amongst other stuff), the sexual revolution brought with it peace and comfort in the solace of staying married only as a means to not feeling alone.
Ostracised, women in the past had it bad. Either their kids were taken away from them or they were simply seen as an outcast and did not receive help from most of the wider world (not that things have changed much in that respect, I can tell you, having been a nomad for a while with my little one, there are many restrictions posed upon women with children, such as not having the access to many rentals spots, which I do understand from the other party’s perspective. What I am talking about is no support. No real support from the community of women, mothers or working fathers- let alone single people- who could contribute by just lending a hand or some money to a mother who is making sure she raises her child to the best she can). This meant that they had to do it solo and hence their fear of leaving the abusive or uncomfortable home in the first place.
So, let’s get the picture- either mother or father leave the home because (it almost feels like it has become trendy, if we were to look at it from a comical point of view, which I’m not), well, things aren’t working out. This means the children are left no choice. They tend to either have to choose mother or father. Sometimes, custody is shared, meaning they spend half the time with mother and half the time with dad, or something like that.
Still, there is not a support system from the wider community in the sense of a tribe that supports mums or dads. Everyone is left to fend for their own devices.
This means that typically, if mother or father have not done the inner spiritual work, everything collapses and the child pays the price, leading to maintaining the current cycle that has been created. The cycle looks as follows (and it has been going on for centuries, just in different kinds of ways)
-mother or father leaves the home
-so, there is no longer a stable family unit
-if mother has not done her inner work, she will blame the father for her fate, doing it hard and imprinting into her daughter or son the dangers of a masculine man. The masculine is portrayed as a dog (not in the loyal kind of term, but in the despisable, despicable figure who treated her poorly and caused her to go away) and the child breathes this in as the norm. Son will then portray the same behaviour that has been repeated to him is the norm, becoming a horrible man as a future romantic partner, and daughter will attract such man into her life.
-if father has not done the inner job, then he will portray the image of a mother who is cold, domineering, unassertive or bossy. In believing and saying so, the father continues to become passive-aggressive, flimsy, non-committal, too permissive, unsteady. This means that there is no solid base in man. There is no sturdy rock in which the female (be it the ex-woman, the future woman and the daughter) can rely on. There is no solid image of a Divine masculine man either, so the son cannot emulate it and is left to his own devices to try and figure out what being a real man is all about.
You get the picture.
Fathers who feel alienated, lonely and unable to step up to be the Divine man, become permissive, raising daughters who know they can trample all over the masculine man (who has become feminine). So there goes the cycle again. She becomes manipulative, domineering, cold, selfish, aggressive and instead of devoting herself to take care of her beautiful man, she surrenders to her ego again and portrays him as the bad one in the game.
So the problem is not really the divorce, but the fact that if the mother and father do not do their inner work and devote themselves to it, then the children pay the price again, just like my generation and the generation prior to this (and the list goes on) did.
In acknowledging our situation and moving on, we are able to tap into the Divine force, empower ourselves and do the continuous inner work so that our daughters and sons see us mothers and fathers as reliable figures in their lives, people who are there to help and support them (and not the other way around), men and women of honour, who respect their decisions, their fellow humans and their past. People who own up to their mistakes and who are here to learn.
When we reach that level of awareness, we are able to communicate with our daughter and son from a space of love, compassion, attentiveness. From the Divine force. Our efforts are devoted to them receiving the best education they can (and this does not mean intellectual education but also moral respect, reliability,
trustworthiness in the system and in ourselves, intuitive power, Inner Guidance, honesty and self-responsibility…). When our society is based on those moral values, then all goes well.
So, what I’m basically going on about is the community’s support. We have got an important mission- that of raising our kids and we can’t do it solo, we simply can’t. It takes a village to raise a child and we need to work to fully establish this.
Now, I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out. What I know is that I have been getting this message over and over and over during the past decade and I think I’ve had enough. I have recorded videos I never uploaded, texts I never posted…and I have had enough of shutting up.
The time is NOW. This message has to get across.
We’ve got a long way to go, a long way to go.
If you would like to learn more about this- about the Masculine and Feminine traits and how you can transform your relationships from the ego pattern to the Divine pot of luck, then get in touch! I’d love to help you to the best of my abilities!
In service to the Divine.
Creating a Better Society.
In love.
Amanda Valverde
Comments